Fine, you win.

I'm almost 30 years old.

I have five kids.

Our household income is . . . minimal.

My wife has had a tubal ligation.

I was 19 when my first child came into my life, the youngest won't leave highschool untill I am 44.



Another child is not what the doctor ordered.



And yet . . .



I look at Crysta, and I probe the depths of my affection and utter love for her, and there is nothing I would like more than to create a child born of this love. To be raised in a stable home where parents kiss and cuddle as easily as breath.



I look at Aleisha, and I recall those months after she was born. The only child of my five that I have ever had to roll over, because she couldn't do it herself. Who I am responsible not only for raising to be the best person they cold be, but simply for being.



I do these things, and tears of love and longing sting my eyes and cloud my vision.



And yet . . .



I'm almost 30 years old.

I have five kids.

Our household income is . . . minimal.

My wife has had a tubal ligation.

I was 19 when my first child came into my life, the youngest won't leave highschool untill I am 44.



Another child is not what the doctor ordered.



And so we argue. And I refuse to be party to another child in our family. And she says "Fine, you win." then crys herself to sleep, again.



No, I don't win. I lose. We both lose.



But better to loose once and put it behind us, than have to loose every other week because we can't let go of an impossible dream.

LAUNCHcast

Well - I'm jacked!



I've found this feature of Yahoo! messenger that I'd passed over a number of times in the past without even checking it out.



Launchcast radio is a system of delivering music striaght to your computer, streaming over the internet. You rate genre's, artists, albums and individual songs. Launchcast then goes and plays the ones you rated high. It also looks at the stuff that you rated high, that other people also rated high, then plays their favourites to you. Giving you a chance to hear new music that fits similar tastes to your own.



Sounds simple, but Launchcast does it well. Operation is easy and both the music and the interface are of exceptional quality.

Star Wars

Got it!



Yehaaa!



The Star Wars original Trillogy is finally out on DVD, and it's just awesome. The wrap gift I got from my Locations Manager at the end of Dead Like Me this season was a voucher I was able to spend on DVD's. ANd Star Wars released about 6 weeks after wrap. I was able to sit on the voucher that long without it burning a hole in my pocket.



We'd moved by the time it actually hit the shelves. But Virgin were awesome, they shipped it to me. (They were supposed to send me a shipping invoice first . . . I must send them a cheque.)



There are four DVD's in the pack, the threee original movies, and a Bonus Disc. :D The Bonus disc contains four hours of interviews, behind the scenes, and all sorts of amazing and intriguing Star Wars information. I watched it as soon as I could get the DVD player working and loved every second of it.



Then there's the commentary - I've seen all the movies so many time I don't really need the sound. So having George Lucas, Carrie Fisher, and the sound and visual effects artists talking me through the movie was just awesome! So much cool stuff! And of course the movies look just awesome. It amazes me that the effects can stand up to many of todays movies and hold their head high, and it's 28 years since A New Hope was released.

Tooth Post

Oh my



My kids are growing up!



Cameron lost two teeth before he had to go away for the summer, then two more while he was there, and now has two more loose ones. We may have to start him on baby food soon.



Maia lost her first one just a week ago.



And now I hear Aleisha has her first loose one. And that she's keeping a close eye on it so the tooth fairy doesn't come and take it without leaving cash!



They all grow up so fast, and I miss the ones I don't get to see every day. Miss them so much.

On Being Dad

Ella goes to pre school twice a week. It's a co-op preschool, which is cool, much like I went to. That means that two days a month I have to volunteer as a 'parent helper' for the day.



As I showered this morning, Ella came into the bathroom.



"Dad," she said, "Dad."



"Yes, my love?" I called as I bent down and cracked the shower door open.



"You can drop me off today. But I don't want you to stay. OK?"



"Yes my love." I grinned to myself.

Politics (*gasp**cringe*)

Here I am, living in America (as Richard would say, it's a beautiful place, shame about all the American's) and supprting, not just chosing the lesser of two evils, but actually supporting a left wing politician.



In New Zealand there is the right, and the left. Basically the right (National) support the country's economy by encouraging business, and the left (Labour) support the country by taking care of welfare type issues. Neither is wrong, and both incorporate both approaches, in different proportions. You have Labour supporters, and National supporters, they disagree, but I've never seen a polarisation of the population like here and now.



Here you have the added issue of Conservatives and Liberals. In essence (and I'm biased here, so it will proably come out in the way I word it) liberals want every individual to make their own choices about themselves, conservatives want the government to lay down a list of acceptable behaviours.



What I find strange is that the conservatives go with the right wing. So the people that want a more hands off approach to state services, want a more hands on approach to state control. Liberals want the state (ie. taxes) to pay for all sorts of services, but not to tell people what to do with their lives. Not strange I suppos, but an interesting dichotomy.



And then there is 'The War'. *sigh* Oh how I hate Bush for that. Anyone who knows me, probably understands that I have right wing economic views (lower - flat - taxes, user pays), and believe in pro-choice when it comes to adults deciding about them selves (marriage, abortion, assisted suicide). If it were'nt for the conservative aspect over here, I can't imagine ever considering a left wing politician. And George 'Dubya' Bush is the worst of the conservatives, or perhaps his prime minister Dick Chayney is. To this day they claim that the war on Iraq is part of the war on terror, and the ignorant average american who wants to believe that America is the greatest nation in the worl, and infallible, goes right along for the ride. Sadam Hussein was involved in the attacks on Sept 11, Sadam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, there are terrorists in Iraq, the war in Iraq is going well, we have apointed a government - but they aren't pupets. What a joke.



Iran and Saudi Arabia were involved in the attacks, but no one went in there. Osama Binladen remains at large. Hussein had no WMD, but kept up the talk because it was his 'cold war' against Iran - UN weapons inspectors were most of the way to provng this before the US opened hostilities. The terrorists in Iraq started arriving after the US invaded the soverign lands of a nation which, while hostile in attitude, posed no threat to them. Right now, the terrorist population is growing because of the hate American actions engenders. Terrorists are able to flood into Iraq because the borders are wide open since the invasion destroyed the infrastructure. Even if you count Iraq as part of the coallition - the US bears about 66% of the casualties and 90% of the US$120B cost. "We have appointed" yeah, not pupets. Alawi may be leading the country, but he does not have the support of his own people. Lets see how he does when these 'elections' are held.



This is the issue which polarises the nation. A war which Dubya has pursued because he:

1. Likes oil.
2. Wants to get out of daddy's shadow (Daddy lead the coalition which kicked Hussein out after he invaded Kuwait, but didn't invade Iraq "because there was no viable exit strategy.")
3. Declaims himself as 'A War President' and likes the way that sounds.
4. Is stuborn as a mule.
5. Couldn't catch the real bad guy, so went after someone who he felt he could blame - and catch. But had no plan for the peace after the capture.

And he's managed to make the who election about that war. Because he has nothing else to come to the table with. Economically and socially he is ruining the country, and that's his four year record. But Americans who don't like him, and don't believe a word he says, will still support the troops on the ground. The oposition has been painted as anti war, and not supporting the troops or the allies. That is why the nation is polarised.

I'm shocking

Just proves how terrible I am at keeping anyone up to date on my life, including myself.



Well, I landed a show working with Bob, who was my key on the first show I shot (Perfect Score) and I was pretty happy about that. Bob is great at his job, someone I always wished I would be like when I keyed.



A week into the show, (a non-union show, low budget, with Tom Green and Brooke Shields called Bob the Butler) the video assist guy decided the pay wasn't enough and quit. In the mean time he had reccomended me for the job after finding out it was what I was trying to get into.



That was very cool. Cabling, solving technical issues, finding and playing back from previous days. I think I did well too, the producer was impressed.



Two or three weeks into the show, Crysta got a job offer. Eek. Gota pack, hell, the packing. I'm not sure if it's Crysta or me, or just some sort of synergy, but we generate a crap load of useless stuff and paper, paper, paper!



Ha. So that';s my life for August. 4 short paragraphs. -sigh-



Looking forward to being a stay home Dad, looking after the kids, the house and hte e-bay. We'll see how it goes, and how much I share. At least I should have more time to keep my blog up to date, I may even get political. Good bye to 80 plus hours a week away from home.

Where to live

The job in Alabama fell through. No big deal on it's own. Probably good in a way too. I've picked up a film job that starts on Tuesday, for a month. Committed to that, we'll be looking to move right after that show wraps up.



Of course, we've started my US immigration, so that should be pretty straight forward when time comes. Unless Crysta doesn't find a job. Because if she doesn't have a job when this project wraps, I'm going to have to find another one. We can't afford for both of us to be out of work, not at all. We're so broke. We just used every last penny to enable us to move if she does get one. If she doesn't then we're pretty much screwed. The kids can't go to school in Canada unless we start and immigration process for her and them. Which will cost another grand on top of the 300 odd that the US one cost. Simply put, that won't happen. Which means that the kids can't go to school. Cameron missed most of his Kindergarten year, we're concerned about his ability to fit into a First Grade, missing any more time is unconscionable.

Legal

Wow.



Friday, Crysta's divorce came through. Monday we applied for a marriage license. Thursday we finally made our marriage legal. A frustrating and seeming minor piece of paper. But at least now it's all officially recognised.



Our honey moon was three rounds of ten pin and a night in a cheap Seattle hotel. Then up at 5:45 so we could go stand in the rain for an hour and a half (under dressed of course, seriously under dressed) just so the clerk at US Immigration could hand us a wad of useless papers. Turns out we had pretty much everything we needed off the internet and when they said 'file' with the INS office, mail was fine. Anyway, got that done, and Crysta's name officially changed too.



Got home to mail from New Zealand. Michelles lawyer feels that "it is important that [I] understand that the interest of the children must be promoted sometimes at the expense of the needs of the parent." Which translates as it's good for the children not to stay overnight with me. Go figure, wish we had her lawyer. Maybe then we wouldn't be forced to send our other kids to stay with their abusive, convicted fellon, father for 8 weeks every summer.



You'd think I was asking for a lot, I sure don't think so. I have limited (and even more limited than planned now,) opportunity to see them, so I ask to have them for a week when I get down there once every two years or so. Apparently that is too traumatic for them, no overnight stays. Gee, I wonder who would really be traumatised by that?



So happy to hear, from everyone except my ex, that the kids are well. Especially Matthew, comming out of his shell and smiling again. He was such a happy and outgoing child, the youth he was growing into concerned me. Wish I was there to watch over him, be his mentor, friend, dad.

Fahrenheit 9/11

Wow. We just got home, what an event.



Crysta and I left the theatre, found the car and drove half way home before either of us said a single word. Whatever you can say about it, it affects you. Crysta just said "I can't believe we're thinking such completely different things about that movie." So true.



As an outsider, (and I always get in trouble with the insiders for my opinions, especially strongly held opinions) I loath and always have loathed Bush and his regime. But now I loathe Michael Moore too. This documentary disgusted me.



One of the parts to the documentary was an analysis of how the 'alert status', television coverage and warnings were skillfully manipulated to maintain a tension in the American people. Tension that erodes, and controls. Talking about skillful manipulation . . . Moore has taken so many clips from so many sources and strung them together in such a way that his caricatures say whatever was on his script.



By taking publicly available footage no one can doubt the facts, but I for one doubt the greater conclusions he asks us to draw by the strings. The segments that dealt with longer interviews and extended news coverage were enlightening, moving and frightening. The spliced together clips reminded me of a Simpson’s episode, or perhaps a three ringed circus.



Bush is corrupt and his regime a risk to the whole world, and particularly America, which for all my ribbing, is quite conceivable the greatest nation of our times.

OMG OMG OMG

Oh My God



Well, pretty much out of nowhere a whole bunch of stuff has come to a head all at once. Crysta's divorce finally came through. And she came to the realisation that being a good mom doesn't mean she's a good housewife - and besides home maker is a job she loathes. So she started looking at jobs, just poking around testing the waters.



Well, she got a whole lot of interest from some paper in Alabama. Good weather, aprox 10,000 pop, good pay, sounds great! So we might be moving, in the next two weeks.



Of course, I can't imigrate yet, so first we have to get a marriage license, get married and get a visa. In about 5 days. Dear god.



Then, if she gets the job, we need to pack up everything and drive a truckload 3000 miles across continent, and find a house so she can start by mid August. Probably a good thing the kids are in Arizona.







Oh, and what about my kids? I told my Lulu that I would be there for her birthday. But I've known for a month now that that will be financially impossible, we're in a mess. (One good reason to move to a place where the average house price is about 10-20% of what it is here.) I've managed to put it off for the last three weekends, but I must call them. I feel like shit, I'm going to break theris hearts, and my own.

I give up

Well, kinda.  But I give up for now, more important things.  The links for the items and the comments don't work, stupid.  Can't figure out how to fix it for now.  Might even remember to come back to this later.

Getting Frustrating

Spent hours at this when I should be focusing on my wife.  Weather getting opressive.

Second posting

 . . . still working on it.

First Post

This is really just so I can make sure my settings are right.  Thank you to Google for hosting.